Retail Therapy Comes Home

 

I don’t usually burst out laughing while reading The Wall St. Journal, but today’s “Excuse Me, Do you Work Here? No, I Just Need to Fold Clothes” gave me a well-needed belly laugh. Writer Jennifer Saranow reveals that an entire generation of Americans who worked stints at The Gap, now channel their obsessive folding skills to neaten up everyone else’s lives.

Saranow cites U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics counting store clerks at clothing and accessory stores at an annual high of 1.3million. She writes, “The Gap Inc… has trained ‘hundreds of thousands’… in the art of folding since the late 1980s.”

These proudly obsessive neatniks can’t keep themselves from folding everybody else’s stuff, even ‘straining marriages…and straightening up sloppy displays while shopping.”

Are all the former Wal-Mart greeters welcoming people home on their front porches? At dinner, are the McDonald refugees asking the kids, “Fries with that?”

I started to consider my own leftover habits and asked my Just Ask a Woman colleagues to weigh in. Thanks to four years as a bank teller, I count bills like a card shark, ordering denominations big to small, all facing in the same direction.  Jen’s haunted by an early pharmacy job to “turn the labels of all of my products in my medicine cabinet or fridge forward like they would be on a shelf.”  She also confides that she knows how to jump a too-long prescription line. “It is probably illegal, but if you write Dr. in front of your name on the RX, they usually will fill you first.” (I guess I used to know how to rob a bank, but I’ve unfortunately forgotten.)

Lily is obsessive about the way she slices fruit and dries glasses from her bartending gigs, and Tracy can’t help straightening the Hallmark card displays. “It drives me crazy when they’re out of order,” she says.  “I’ve even been asked for help because they think I work there.” 

Perhaps there are millions of women who now bring their oddball service quirks to daily life. Maybe there’s something calming about taking control or we use the excuse of “the way it should be done” to neaten life’s sloppy edges. Or maybe, we are just creating a little fantasy corner of calm. Jean, who hopes to work in retail someday (not too soon, I hope) uses her closet as her make-believe store. “I hang all my clothes and fill my drawers by type then category, then color,” she says. “Same with shoes. If they’re not in order, I can’t go to sleep at night!” 

Seems like retail therapy goes even farther than we think.

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SMART SITE: Kaboodle.com

 

Why I’m loving Kaboodle… You know when someone asks you what you want for your birthday and you can’t think of anything (even though you usually have a million things you want)?  Kaboodle.com to the rescue.  This site lets you digitally bookmark all of the things on your wish list – it’s like having a registry. You can categorize your wish lists (my birthday, Christmas, for the kids) and send links to your family and friends so they don’t buy you yet another candle.  There is also inspiration from other shoppers who share their wish lists publicly.  Beware it is addictive. In the course of writing this entry I’ve added 15 things to my birthday list (hint: June 16)

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Pimp My Volvo

dress-up-1.jpg  

While riding on the Transbridge bus across Jersey to Pennsylvania for the Memorial Day weekend, I passed a bizarre sight. A woman was driving a fuchsia-colored Volvo (don’t think it comes standard) and every inch of the hood was encrusted with a fantasy in lavender. Barbies, ponies, stars, sparkles, magic wands…fender to fender fabulous. The seats were recovered in a black and white animal print fabric. And a woman with flaming red hair, the artist, drove it, pretty much at the speed limit. On my side of the bus, peering out of the window were just women, all varying ages. And we stared and smiled and wondered who she was and how she did it. But not why. We didn’t have to ask. We just smiled and nodded, falling back into our private memories, of our own pink Barbie convertibles or My Little Pony or just a Schwinn with streamers on the handles and playing cards on the spokes. 

Later, the bus passed the fuchsia fantasy car in a different lane, I watched two men seated opposite us look out and register…absolutely nothing. Not a smile or even an eye roll. That moment reminded me of every reason we love to interview women. Their willingness to reveal personal truths and connect with powerful memories lies just below the surface. It doesn’t take a lot to get us to let the little girl out. And the dreams that are still part of her. 

Reality TV shows lure guys into tricking out trucks and cars on Pimp My Ride and Monster Garage, as a way to be cool or just plain crazy. But my memory of the marvelous Volvo reminded me of what’s really under the hood. When it’s hers.

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Blissfully Buying Bulk

I love Costco.  We bought our televisions there, our home office furniture and even our mini-van.  I proudly carry a Costco American Express card.   

Why would I love a store that has the ambiance of an airplane hanger, where there is no sales help and you can’t count on what merchandise will be in stock? I love it precisely for those reasons. Their hours stink and you don’t even get a shopping bag but Costco works because the reward of awesome bargains is greater than the hassle.  The payoff is bigger than the pain in the neck.  The thrill is worth braving the crowds.    

This is an honest retail experience that isn’t camouflaged by store design, soundtrack or faux helpful staff.  And ultimately Costco is a brand that likes and respects their female shoppers.  Without being pink they have done a wonderful job making it a store of choice for moms (snacks in bulk, affordable birthday party gifts, fresh fruit and cheap diapers). 

What can other businesses learn from Costco? 

  • Be authentic. If you are a warehouse, be a warehouse.
  • Keep your front lines happy.  Costco pays their people well and that keeps them productive.
  • Build a treasure hunt for shoppers.  What would it take to get customers to check out your brand regularly to make sure they don’t miss anything?
  • Stand behind your products with a no questions asked return policy. 

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Calling a Spade a Spade

I’m afraid it’s a case of the “too good to be true’s” with Pinkberry.  The darling of fro yo has recently had its sweet reputation soured with claims that, “the frozen treats don’t have the bacterial cultures that make yogurt good for you.”  In other words, if Pinkberry was your get out of jail free card for working dessert into your diet…bummer, man. 

As Pinkberry is one of my five main food groups, many a friend have delighted in forwarding me articles and news stories about the current lawsuit (doesn’t anyone work during the day??), eagerly awaiting my reaction to this turn of events.   

Will I stop going to Pinkberry?  I’d sooner give up Dancing with the Stars.  Let’s face it folks—it is, after all, a frozen treat.  How healthy did we really think we were being?  Sure, we’re all concerned about calorie intake, but if I was really counting points I’d get a weight-watchers ice cream sandwich.  Perhaps some wheat grass juice.  I go there for the experience.  For the always ripe strawberries and always perfect swirl.  For the sample cup of mochi that Angela or JD never fail to slip in with my order (knowing that I like it, but don’t want to sacrifice one of my standard 3 toppings).  I guess I’m just a sucker for quality customer service—show me that you like me, and you’ve always got a friend.

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Fighting to Relax

I am a proud spa-aholic. I’ve endured a facial of pulverized nightingale droppings. I’ve been whipped around a watsu pool, squeezed into Michelin Man thigh shrinkers, even been analyzed by a cowboy therapist while talking to a horse. All in the name of achieving some blend of beauty/zen.  

So, last week, when I spoke to the worldwide spa and salon directors of Aveda at their 2008 Spa Summit in Minneapolis about what women want, I was really in my element. (Anyone who is an Aveda aficionado knows that their signature fragrance is fabulous. Imagine walking onstage to meet a theatre filled with ahhhh…) I shared the importance of silence in the personal service business. It’s not just about the massage or the oils or eye cushions. It’s what’s not said that counts, too. Especially when the woman on the table is a stressed out mess. (Know anyone like that?)  

Nevertheless, back home, when I had my next massage in a local salon, I was in for a shock. Halfway through the hour of Enya, perfect technique and total relaxation, the therapist’s cell rang with one of those annoying, elongated ringtones. Twice. As I got up from the table, the therapist, who had stepped into a nearby alcove, called her impatient caller and began a ten minute blow by blow about payments, clients and generally the frustration of her job.  

As I stood there in my robe, gobsmacked into her reality, she hung up and decided to commiserate with me on the challenges of customer service. Like I cared. I do. But not when it’s my turn for karma-charging.  

Lesson learned: while women are highly attuned and can be great empathizers, know where to draw the line. Spas are the equivalent of the closed bathroom door. Keep out. Keep it quiet. Or buzz-kill your way out of business.

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Scripted Sincerity Hits Customer Support

 

I know that I have been preaching about customer service for more than a decade.  As a company we’ve counseled marketers about the bottom line impact of annoying today’s Vigilante Shopper.  But now I’m afraid that some brands are over-doing it and are in danger of a shopper backlash against all of this “nice-ness.” 

Last week I had a BlackBerry meltdown in an airport.  Once I arrived back to my home base I called my carrier who shall remain nameless (hint – it has a hyphen) for what I predicted would be a long, frustrating call.  I had even made myself a snack to keep me busy. 

After navigating my way out of the voice automated system (hint – always say “BlackBerry” when prompted about your problem because you go straight to the specialist), I was greeted by the world’s happiest young woman.   

“It’s a great day at XXX in BlackBerry support, how can I help you?”  After I give her my name, rank and serial number I tell her that my audio isn’t working and that I can only use the speaker feature to carry on phone calls.   

This turned her empathy to super drive and she told me in a chirpy voice, “That must be just awful to be inconvenienced like that. I am so sorry that this happened to you and we will find a way to fix it right now.” Sounds innocent enough? It even sounds like this company has been paying attention to the lessons in our books and presentations about showing empathy and being about problem solving.  

So where is the problem? The problem is that their employees are reading from the world’s most patronizing and annoying script.  As a caller you can almost feel the support rep reading her computer screen.  Proper training is replaced by sappy, pre-written small talk. I was tempted to ask about the weather to see if she had an answer for that. 

She put me on hold for a millisecond and came back with, “I am so sorry that I put you on hold. I know that your time is important and waiting can be frustrating.” It took her longer to apologize than the entire time on I was on hold! 

In the end my BlackBerry bit the dust and I bought a new one, but that’s not the point. 

The point is that in telephone customer support, there is the kind of authentic friendliness and earnestness that make brands like Land’s End and Red Envelope stand out from the pack and then there are over-scripted efforts that take the human out of the transaction. 

The best part was when the rep closed the call by saying, “Thank you for being our customer since ….” and then had to wait just a second too long for the computer screen to spit out the rest “…2005.”

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Dr.com

Why is it easier to get a dinner reservation for six people on a Saturday night than it is to book a teeth cleaning?  Over the last few years I have become dependent on services like Opentable.com to save me from calling every restaurant in the Zagats guide to find restaurants that can accommodate my usually last-minute requests.  It has been a lifesaver and has given me time back in my day.  No more endless waits on hold with restaurant hostesses trying to find an opening for a reservation.  No more calls to your dinner companions to check every change in detail.  Just type in the date, time and number in your party and up comes choices of restaurants that are available.  You can check out the menu, send invites to your friends and export the details right to your Outlook.

 This got me thinking: Is there an OpenTable analogy for going to the doctor? My dream is that doctor’s offices would have a similar system where you can search by day and time to see when your schedule coincides with an open appointment. It seems like this would alleviate some of the phone burden for in-office staff.  And just like OpenTable you could download the appointment information (location, time and instructions about fasting) into your Outlook calendar to be synced with your BlackBerry.  This would also set up an automated reminder system again alleviating all of the human energy being wasted talking to answering machines when they call to confirm your appointment. 

It would be wonderful if the mechanics of our doctor’s offices would just catch up with the rest of the world.  There is no reason that every doctor’s office needs to have you fill out pages and pages of paperwork while you sit in the waiting room.  The simplest improvement would be to have downloadable forms from the office’s website but even having it sent via hard copy in advance would be an improvement.  Better yet insurance companies could add a magnetic strip to the back of the membership card that stores your basic information, current medications, previous illnesses and family history so that the office staff can just swipe it when you arrive.  If they can do this when I check into a hotel why can’t it be done for the doctor’s world? I’d also like to see a better waiting room scenario.  Perhaps when you arrive at the doctor and she is running behind they give you a beeper a la Applebee’s and then you can grab a bite or run a nearby errand instead of reading old magazines.

In the interim, I will keep typing while I wait on hold to book my annual physical. 

 

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What’s Love Got to Do With It?


Funny seeing the annual avalanche of same old ads for Valentine’s. The childish heart jewelry for 35 year old’s going on 7. The diet-sabotaging chocolates, ironically pitched alongside stories of men who hate being married to fat women. The lingerie fit for the adult channel. So many marketers sell to the idealized female customers they wish they had, versus the real ones they do. Why can’t we love the one we’re with?
After nine years of listening to 11,000 women who buy, decide and write the rules for America’s bottom line, we continue to see self-loathing brands, who don’t want the women who love them. “We want ‘new’ customers,” they say (AKA younger, thinner, prettier, richer ones.) While the Dove’s and the Eileen Fisher’s of the world happily (and profitably) love the women who love them, too many brands abandon their loyalists in the crusade for ‘aspiration.’ Your customer has aspirations. And one of them is to be her best self and not someone else.
My favorite question I was ever asked, was “How can I get to understand the women who buy my brand?” My answer, “You could start by liking her.” What’s love got to do with it? Everything.

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February 23, 2025
by Mary Lou Quinlan

A look at an early production of WORK

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The God Box Goes Global!

“The God Box” has grown to include an app, audio book, philanthropic venture and solo show performed by Mary Lou across the US. Now The God Box Project goes global to the Edinburgh Festival Fringe.
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